Why I did 45 Push Ups in One Sitting
This isn’t a post about pushups. This is a post about wanting to give up ….
Wanting to throw in the towel ….
Wanting to crawl under the desk with the dogs and a bottle of wine and come out in 2021 🐶🍷🙈 …….
But continuing anyways.
To start my quest for 45 pushups, I procrastinated for at least 10 minutes, sitting there fighting my mind to even do the 1st pushup.
Why am I even doing pushups to begin with, you ask?
It started back in September. I was fed up that I couldn’t stick to anything that was optional, or just for me. Things that I want to do for no other reason than curiosity, enjoyment, or growth.
The abandoned cross-stitch projects
Theraband exercises (for pointe strength)
Stretching
My lifelong goal of a pull-up
So, on a random day in September, I started trying to have a consistent daily habit, just to prove to myself that I had that kind of discipline.
I didn’t believe that I could actually stick to doing anything EVERY DAY. Everything else I had tried, I had given up on.
But, this time, I actually stuck to something! (It wasn’t pushups yet…)
I started playing the piano daily.
Why did it stick? I think it’s because I started with something that I had a reason to do. A reason bigger than just doing it.
Let me explain … I wanted to better understand how it felt to return to ballet after a long break. Since I started ballet at age 17, I was having trouble relating to the experience that many dancers have of coming back to the barre after a long break. I’ve always felt clumsy at the barre, and don’t have memories of soaring through the air effortlessly as a child that can frustrate many returning dancers.
However, I did play the piano really well as a kid. So, in picking it up again, I had that experience of having known how to read music, but now seeing a garble of dots and lines when I looked at the sheet music.
It was super fun, but also frustrating!
Since I had a higher reason to stick to it (relating to my dancers), I actually did. And 3 months of daily practice passed. Slowly but surely, I started to see improvement in my focus and mindset, and started to actually believe that I could accomplish my goals.
After about 6 months, I felt powerful! What else could I achieve with this newfound discipline? So I tried different daily habits, such as 5-10 minutes of reading, wearing earrings every day, and cardio once per week.
(All of which I still do, but I stopped playing piano.)
The simple act of doing what I said I would do every SINGLE day built loads of confidence because I actually TRUSTED myself to work towards my goals.
About 2 months ago, I added 15 pushups a day. Now it’s worth noting that I strongly dislike pushups and they are very hard, but they’re part of this quest for confidence in my abilities. I wanted to know if I would be able to stick to something that I strongly disliked, but new was good for me. So far so good.
Back to present day
I had already missed 2 days of pushups due to being generally overwhelmed and bummed by COVID. So in those first 10 minutes of sitting on the floor procrastinating, I started to think, “maybe now is a good time to give up on them altogether.”
Excuses galore came flooding in.
Life is stressful
Save your energy
There’s no time
Not worth it
Why bother
Just stop
Just give up
The mind is very convincing. I believed it. For 10 minutes, I sat there wanting to give up on my habits and routines. To give up on the last 7 months of work.
But I knew I had to get back on the wagon, pick (or push) myself up, and stick to it. For me, for my mindset, my goals, and my confidence.
Because I can, because I want to, because I’ve worked so far already. So I did all 45 (15 for each missed day, and 15 for today) to prove to myself that I can still put one foot in front of the other, and to remember that I’m stronger than my circumstances. I will achieve what I put my mind to.
Every day is a fight. I don’t always win. I don’t always fight.
