Little things add up to big things. It’s difficult to fathom, but is a truth. For both good and bad things, little actions add up to big effects.

Spending a little money here and there. The beach. Getting a tan over many days outside.

Small things become big things when they’re multiplied by consistency.

Why is that a true confession? Let me explain.

I had an amazing yoga session this morning with Denis.

The reason it was so great is that it was set to classical music (usually they’re set to pop music), and I had a realization, that I like classical music but have been denying myself the pleasure of listening to it.

When the gym in my apartment building closed due to covid, my first thought was dread. “Oh I just can’t bear all of this without Robin and the Peloton bike”

See, back in October 2019, I decided to try to learn about motivation. How to motivate our community to reach their goals? How to help them through the bumps along the ballet road and empower them to take control of their journey? 

“Its ok to take a break or quit dancing due to COVID. Ballet will always be there for you when you’re ready.”

I am conflicted with this statement, and I’m here today to talk about a potentially unpopular perspective on it. The advice I see online is that it’s ok to just stop dancing and wait until the pandemic is over.

By then, it’ll be too late.

Am I sad? Discouraged? Building 3 studios over 3 years and then closing them in an instant?

The entire month of June (and May and April and 1/2 of March) was just abysmal and full of so much sadness, anxiety, stress, and all the vodka and sleepless nights that come with that.

But now, that’s gone and I feel peaceful, happy, content, and just maybe even joy. I’ve been wondering why - why am I not more sad?

I’ve been absent for a few weeks (though it feels like it’s been a few years) as I’ve been working through the hardest decision of my life, to close the Broche Ballet studios at the end of this month.

”I’m not cut out for this”

Have you ever said this to yourself? Ballet, life or otherwise?

Last night around 3am, I said this to myself. I couldn’t sleep. I was tossing and turning, lost in thought.

I cried walking by the Denver Performing Arts Center this weekend.

I cried for the artists, stage crew, musicians, administrative staff, company directors, bartenders and janitorial crews.⠀

I cried for the silence that would have been the sound of murmurs, of an orchestra warming up, of shouts of joy at the end of a performance, of the street musicians helping celebrate on the sidewalks.

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Do you want to quit? Me too 👋 It’s hard to keep going.

Some days I want to hide under the desk with the dogs and a bottle of wine until 2021 🐶🍷🙈 Some days are amazing days where I don’t want to stop.

And some days are both of those, and everything in between.

When we want to stop, but don’t, is when we learn what we are made of. It’s unpleasant. But we grow and learn endurance, perseverance, and build confidence ❤️

Yes, I did pointework on the carpet. Pointework on the carpet is highly frowned upon in the ballet community, as it’s a little risky especially if you’re on overly fluffy carpet, and ballet dancers are notorious for wanting only the most ideal environments. But, I didn’t have the right flooring, but still wanted to practice a little bit. So I did it, and here’s what I have to say about it.

To me, discipline is maintaining good habits, despite circumstances. It’s easy to do things that you have to do. Like work a lot because I have to keep the studio running. Getting to dance class every week because it’s scheduled and I feel accountable to others. Cleaning the apartment, walking the dogs, and cooking dinner are all necessities, not discipline.

Be with the discomfort, and how to not take things fore-granted.

I’m growing to be more willing to be with physical discomfort.

But emotional discomfort, get me out! Quick, distractions. Anything. Even physical discomfort.

This is a quick story of dog throw-up and how it helped cement a lesson during meditation

The world is uncertain right now. Sometimes that manifests as fear, but others sadness and exhaustion. Sometimes even excitement and optimism for what will is to come! Uncertainty can take many forms.

As my posts have grown more popular, I have begun to see the dark side of social media. I’m not talking about the critiques on my technique. Those I find quite useful, especially the trends where I hear the same thing over and over again.

I’m not talking about that. Keep the critiques coming.

What I’m talking about are the nasty comments, like that I don’t know what I’m doing, puking emoji, that I need to lose weight, that I was taught by incompetent people, tagging their friends on my posts to say they think I’m bad/gross/ugly (sometimes even in other languages), etc. 🙈